1. Nights are the worst

    I don’t think I’ll ever truly understand my depression, no matter what drugs I take or the massive amounts of intrusive therapy. But what I do understand is that when it hits, it hits hard. Being sober at night time is intense, the extensive flow of overwhelming and shameful thoughts rush over, everything all at once becomes this defined madness that tears any sanity that’s clinging to the walls of my mind; all the people I’ve let down, all the people I’m constantly letting down, all the failures I’ve been a part of, the failure that I am, and the traumatic childhood that I’ve mostly blocked out of my mind all strike at once as if they were a unit designed to humiliate me. The haunting thoughts float around like unnatural entities, lurking around every happy thought that I try to force through. Just go to sleep. That’s all I need. Just some rest. That’s all. Then the night terrors and nightmares come. The sleep paralysis is the worse, stuck in this out of body state, sad, confused, scared. Sudden flashes of memories open within my consciousness, flooding through like a emotional tsunami. Queue emotional breakdown. The intensity ravages my feelings, pulling only the sharpest knives out of my back to shank them right back in. Tears flow down my cheek in absolute silence, my body shakes but my mind is now still with only one solid coherent thought left; I am pathetic. I sit in the corner of my room, alone in the dark. The buzz of the air conditioning is my only filter, the sound of my heavy lapsed breathing and constant sniffling block it out either way. In this moment, I remember that I was born alone, and I will die alone. I was destined to be alone, sad, miserable, and a failure. Some people just are. Hours pass as I cry and sob and weep. The sun is finally coming up. Let’s go cry in the shower. Shower. Look at razor and imagine how simple it would be to just slice open my life and let fate do the rest. Maybe that’s my destiny, maybe that’s my life. I don’t know. Nights are the worst.

    12 hours ago  /  0 notes

  2. Women are so terrifying like how do I even let you in if you could literally destroy me.

    3 weeks ago  /  0 notes

  3. I never got over you and now I’m dying on the inside.

    3 weeks ago  /  0 notes

  4. Who the fuck do I talk to.

    1 month ago  /  1 note

  5. Everyone’s growing up and I’m just falling apart. Feel like I’m fucking 16 again.

    1 month ago  /  1 note

  6. I can’t stop thinking

    1 month ago  /  15 notes

  7. Haven’t posted anything in a while. Just not feeling it. Pretty depressed 24/7, not trying to cop some pity though. Just wish I had a friend close by. Someone to go on 3am car rides with.

    3 months ago  /  9 notes

  8. How do you get people to understand how stressed you really are?

    3 months ago  /  9 notes

  9. lushsux:

What goes on in my mind after I finish a piece… Check out http://lushsux.bigcartel.com/ link is in profile… #lush #lushsux #graff #graffiti #graffitiart #graffitiartist #graffitiwriter #comic #comics #drawing #drawings #illustration #streetart #streetartist #urbanart #urbanartist

    lushsux:

    What goes on in my mind after I finish a piece… Check out http://lushsux.bigcartel.com/ link is in profile… #lush #lushsux #graff #graffiti #graffitiart #graffitiartist #graffitiwriter #comic #comics #drawing #drawings #illustration #streetart #streetartist #urbanart #urbanartist

    (via gementality)

    4 months ago  /  52 notes  /  Source: lushsux

  10. 4 months ago  /  8 notes